English reading and listening links for discussing in online English lessons, featuring articles and videos about tea and a man who cemented a microwave on his head as a joke.

 

Questions 

  • Do you enjoy pranks?
  • Do you prefer tea or coffee?

 

 

Reading

 

Hospital chiefs ban doctors and nurses from

having free tea and coffee and tell them to drink

HOT WATER instead

 

 

Man ‘cements a microwave to his head’ in Wolverhampton

 

 

 

Listening

 

 

Prankster defends cementing his head in a microwave (BBC)

 

(transcript below)

 

I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking
I bring you to my house as a friend in my kitchen
You offer to make the tea
Naturally I say yes
You’re my guest so I take the offer gratefully
But then what I see makes my heart burst
You’ve only gone and put the fucking milk in first!
Argh!

No!
You must be out of your mind!
It looks like you went and poured about half a pint
Now even with the boiling water
My tea’s already lukewarm
Man where the fuck were you born!
Wow you destroyed a thing that was sacred
Pour it down the sink
Let me show you how to make it

Tea bag in first
Pour the water on top
Shut up man I’ll tell you when to stop!
When you know exactly how much milk is required
Making assumptions on how I like it

Woah
Woah what you doing!
Don’t let the tea bag sit there brewing!
You gotta stir straight away don’t stop
Otherwise you get that weird scum on the top
What is that stuff?

And then you put my sugar in
What you leave it for!
Didn’t even stir it in
You’re unbelievable
What did you think it would disintegrate itself?
Bruv you need to go and see a shrink and get some help
You chose the wrong brother’s cuppa to mess with
Now go and get me a motherfucking digestive

Stay the hell away from my cup bitch
Don’t even meddle with my kettle
Don’t touch it!
Man go sit down
Go watch telly
Give me back my teaspoon
Bruv you’re not ready

 

Music

 

 

[Intro: Protoje & (Chronixx)]
And this a (is) protoje..(yeaa)
Chronixx a weh (what) you say..(yeaaa)
Oooookkk, (oh well)

[Hook: Chronixx]
Who knows, who knows, who knows, who knows
I just go where the trade wind blows
Sending love to my friends and foes, and I suppose
I’m pleased, to be chilling in the West Indies
Jah provide all my wants and needs
I got the sunshine rivers and trees
Green leaves.. oh yea

[Verse 1: Protoje]
When me (I) see jah me see a way
Drastically stray from hyprocrisy I say..(yea)
Every man to they own philosophy I say
I live the proper way and then mi (I) read a chapter a day
Man deh (they’re) in a city hungry and nuh (don’t) eat
And food deh (they) down a country just to drop off a di (all the) trees dem
You say poverty nuh (isn’t) real den (then)
Is what the reasoning revealing

[Hook: Chronixx]
Who knows, who knows, who knows, who knows
I just go where the trade wind blows
Sending love to my friends and foes, and I suppose
I’m pleased, to be chilling in the West Indies
Jah provide all my wants and needs
I got the sunshine rivers and trees
Green leaves.. oh yea

[Verse 2: Protoje]
When the rain pitta pat (patters) pon (upon) the roof
Herb just a steam pepper pot pon the still
Life is a dream if you got gratitude
Go tell the regime dem (they) can’t stop what we do now
Information you think on your own
Or else you are a slave to the things that you know
What do you know if you learn everyday
So be careful a (of) things weh (when) you say

[Hook: Chronixx]
Who knows, who knows, who knows, who knows
I just go where the trade wind blows
Sending love to my friends and foes, and I suppose
I’m pleased, to be chilling in the West Indies
Jah provide all my wants and needs
I got the sunshine rivers and trees
Green leaves.. oh yea

[Verse 3: Protoje]
Africa in a we (our) soul but a Jah in a we (our) heart
Its of importance for i n i fi (us to) gather
If we cannot show now a balance that we had
How do we propose now to carry it abroad
Cannot go to Ethiopia and don’t have a plan
The building of a nation a hand a help a hand
Everyone a love a one, every man is just a man
It shall be a coronation when we land, land, land

[Hook: Chronixx]
Who knows, who knows, who knows, who knows
I just go where the trade wind blows
Sending love to my friends and foes, and I suppose
I’m pleased, to be chilling in the West Indies
Jah provide all my wants and needs
I got the sunshine rivers and trees
Green leaves.. oh yea
Who knows, who knows, who knows, who knows
Am pleased to be chilling in the West Indies
Jah provide all my wants and needs

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